ADDED ATTRACTION
THE ZOMBIE ROOM OFFERS FIVE INCH WELTS ACROSS THE BACK WITH A STRONGBACK, ADMINISTERED BY ABDUL EL HASSAN, THE ASSASIN, FOR FIVE DOLLARS ($5.00) OR, IF YOU PREFER THE JOCKSTRAP JOLT, YOU MAY HAVE TWELVE INCH GASHES WITH NICKLE-PLATED MACHETES INSTALLED BY THE GENTLE HANDS OF MOSSBACK BIFF GRIFFIN AND WHELPS PHELPS.

(Editors Note:   The lurid account of Washington's elite "sadistry retreat" in yesterday's issue of the Chivo Chimes has caused considerable furor in the Zombie Room up forward and two of the intelligentsia, their professional instincts aroused, submitted the above advertisement.   We are proud that the Chimes is proving to be the instrument bringing forth such honest, upright and loyal statements and herewith pledge our intent to always give our support to such charitable and worthy causes.)

AT SEA      
JULY 17, 1945

WASHINGTON JULY 15, (UNITED PRESS)
SENATOR THOMAS C HART (REPUBLICAN -- SPINELLI WOULD LIKE HIM) CONNECTICUT LAST NIGHT URGED THAT THE UNITED STATES MAINTAIN EXCLUSIVE CONTROL OVER THE PACIFIC ISLANDS FORMERLY BELONGING TO JAPAN.   HART, FORMER COMMANDER IN CHIEF OF THE U S FAR EASTERN FLEET SAID IN A RADIO INTERVIEW (NBC) THAT HE HAD NO OBJECTION TO THESE ISLANDS BEING PLACED UNDER A UNITED NATION PROVIDED WE WERE THE NATION.   THEY (THE ISLANDS) SHOULD ALL BE GOVERNED AS ONE UNIT HE SAID AND THAT WE ARE THE ONES TO DO THE JOB.   HART AND SENATOR ELBERT D THOMAS (D) WERE WORKING ON PROBLEMS CONNECTED WITH THE FALL OF JAPAN.   HART SERVED AS HEAD OF THE U S FLEET IN THE JAPANESE AREA FROM 1931 TO 1942 WHILE THOMAS HAD MANY YEARS IN THE FAR EAST IN THE EARLY PART OF THE CENTURY.   HARD SAID CONTROL OF THE JAPANESE ISLANDS BY THE U S WAS NECESSARY IF WE ARE TO INSURE THE FUTURE INDEPENDENCE OF THE PHILIPPINES AND PEACE IN THE PACIFIC.   WE NEED BASES IN THESE ISLANDS HE SAID.   ONE REASON WE COULDN'T DEFEND THE PHILIPPINES FROM JAPANESE ATTACKS WAS THAT WE MADE THE MISTAKE OF LETTING THOSE ISLANDS GO FROM SPAIN TO OTHER POWERS.   FIRST GERMANY AND THEN JAPAN.   IF WE ARE TO ACCEPT THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR DEFENDING THE PHILIPPINES WE MUST SECURE THE ROADS WHICH LEAD TO THEM.

WASHINGTON JULY 15, (UNITED PRESS)
AMBASSADOR ALBERTO TACHCIANI OF ITALY SAID LAST NIGHT THAT HIS GOVERNMENT EXPECTED TO MAKE LAND SETTLEMEMNTS AVAILABLE FOR USE IN THE WAR AGAINST JAPAN.   HE SAID THAT ITALY EXPECTS THAT THE AIR FORCE MEN AND VOLUNTEER FORCES WILL BE AVAILABLE FOR SERVICE TO THE UNITED NATIONS.   TACHCIANI EXPLAINED ITALY'S READINESS TO FIGHT AT A PRESS CONFERENCE AFTER HE OFFICIALLY NOTIFIED ACTING SECRETARY OF STATE JOSEPH GREW OF ITALY'S DECLARATION OF WAR AGAINST JAPAN.   THIS IS NEW PROOF THAT ITALY DESIRES TO BECOME ONE OF THE UNITED NATIONS.   ITALY IS WORKING MORE AND MORE ON THE SIDE AGAINST THEIR ENEMY.   WE ARE NOW CO-BELLIGERENTS ON A NEW FRONT IN THAT WE WILL BECOME ALLIES IN EVERY WAY.

GUAM:
UNITS OF THE U S THIRD FLEET SHELLED JAPAN FOR THE THIRD TIME TUESDAY NIGHT CLIMAXING A DAY OF PRE-INVASION BOMBING OF JAPAN BY 450 B 29S AIDED BY 1500 AMERICAN AND BRITISH AIRCRAFT OF THE GREATEST CARRIER FORCE IN HISTORY.   FLEET ADMIRAL NIMITZ DECLARED THE NEW BLOWS MARKED THE PRE-INVASION STAGE OF WAR.

GUAM:
THUNDERING WARSHIPS OF THE U S THIRD FLEET PACED BY THE SUPER BATTLESHIP IOWA SHELLED THE HITACHI WAR INDUSTRY CENTER EIGHTY MILES NORTHEAST OF TOKYO TUESDAY IN THE THIRD SUCH ATTACK ON THE ENEMY HOMELAND WITHIN FOUR DAYS.   SOME OF THE MOST POWERFUL BATTLESHIPS OF THE THIRD FLEET THE USS IOWA WITH CRUISERES AND DESTROYERS LAUNCHED THE ASSAULTS.

CHUNKING CHINA:
CHINESE TROOPS IN A NEW INVASION OF INDO-CHINA AIDED BY MUTINOUS JAPANESE PUPPETS HAVE CAPTURED THE IMPORTANT INDO-CHINA SEAPORT OF MONCAY ON TOKYO'S DIRECT SHIPPING SUPPLY ROUTE TO LAND ISOLATED SOUTHERN ASIA THE CHINESE COMMANDER SAID.

OKINAWA:
THE JAPANESE COMMANDER OF GUERILLA FORCES ON OKINAWA HAS BEEN KILLED BY YANKS WHO TRAILED HIM TO A MASTERFULLY CAMOUFLAGED HIDEOUT IN THE NORTHERN MOUNTAINS GEN STILLWELL DISCLOSED TUESDAY NIGHT.   THE ENEMY OFFICER LT COL. AOYAGI WAS SHOT AND KILLED AS HE ATTEMPTED TO FLEE FROM AN AMERICAN PATROL ORGANIZED BY MAJ. SILAS BASS OF LOS ANGELES 27TH DIVISION HEADQUARTERS COMMANDANDT.

MANILLA:
MORE THAN 4200 AMERICAN VETERANS FROM EUROPE FIRST SERVICE TROOPS SENT DIRECTLY FROM THE EUROPEAN THEATER TO THE PACIFIC WERE IN THEIR NEW CAMP THIRTY FIVE MILES SOUTH OF MANILLA TUESDAY.   THE VETERANS OF AFRICA, SICILY AND ITALY LANDED ON A MUDDY DOCK AT DAWN TUESDAY WELCOMED BY TWO BANDS.

SARNIA, ONTARIO:
THE 360 FOOT GREAT LAKES PASSENGER LINER HAMONIC CARRYING 255 PASSENGERS WAS DESTROYED BY FIRE WITH MANY PERSONS INJURED AND BURNED YET A CLERK AT THE CANADIAN STEAMSHIP LINES SAID AS FAR AS IS KNOWN NO LIVES WERE LOST; THE CLERK SAID HE BELIEVED ALL ABOARD SCRAMBLED TO SAFETY AFTER THE FIRE WHICH BROKE OUT IN THE FREIGHT DOCKS AT POINT EDWARD WHERE THE VESSEL WAS ANCHORED SPREAD TO THE STEAMSHIP.

WASHINGTON:
THE SENATE FINANCE COMMITEE APPROVED WITHOUT THE FORMALITY OF HEARING TUESDAY THE NOMINATION OF FRED M VINSON AS SEC. OF THE TREAS. AND JOHN SNYDER AS DIRECTOR OF WAR MOBILIZATION.

MADRID:
GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO PROCLAIMED TUESDAY NIGHT THAT SPAIN PASSING THROUGH A PERIOD OF PREPARATION FOR A MONARCHY IN "WHICH THE ESSENTIALS OF OUR MOVEMENT ARE GUARANTEED." THE FALANGE CHIEF SAID IN A BROADCAST ADDRESSED BEFORE THE NATIONAL COUNCIL OF THE FALANGE THAT SPAIN WANTED HER INDEPENDENCE COUPLED WITH DIGNIFIED COOPERATION WITH OTHER COUNTRIES IN THE POSTWAR WORLD.

WASHINGTON:
FOREIGN ECONOMIC ADMINISTRATOR LEO T CROWLEY TOLD THE SENATE BANKING COMMITTEE TUESDAY ONE MILLION DOLLARS IS A REASONABLE FIGURE FOR EXPORT IMPORT BANK AID TO FINANCE TRADE POSTWAR WITH RUSSIA.

WASHINGTON:
A STATE DEPARTMENT SPOKESMAN SAID THAT THE U S EMBASSY IN BUENOS ARIES WILL INVESTIGATE REPORTS THAT ADOLPH HITLER AND EVA BRAUN WERE IN ARGENTINA.   TO A QUESTION THE SPOKESMAN SAID THE EMBASSY WOULD LOOK INTO THE STORY SENT BY A CHICAGO TIMES CORRESPONDENT FROM MONTEVIDEO THAT THE PAIR HAD REACHED A SOLITARY ISLE OF THE LONG ARGENTINE COASTLINE BY SUBMARINE AND ARE LIVING ON A HUGE GERMAN OWNED ESTATE IN PATAGONIA.

DUNLAP, IOWA:
FOURTEEN CARS ON THE EASTBOUND UNION PACIFIC STREAMLINER CITY OF LOS ANGELES JUMPED THE TRACKS AFTER A CLOUDBURST.   JUSTICE FRANK MURPHY OF THE U S SUPREME COURT WAS A PASSENGER ON THE TRAIN BUT ESCAPED INJURY.

POTSDAM:
THE BIG THREE FORMERLY STARTED THEIR HISTORY MAKING VICTORY CONFERENCE LATE TUESDAY WITH THE WAR AGAINST JAPAN UNQUESTIONABLY RANKING HIGH ON THEIR AGENDA.   THERE WAS A MINIMUM OF FORMALITY AS PRESIDENT TRUMAN, PREMIER STALIN AND PRIME MINISTER CHURCHILL OPENED THEIR DISCUSSIONS WHICH MAY SECURE THE PEACE OF EUROPE, SPEED VICTORY OVER JAPAN AND SETTLE THE BASIS OF THE GERMAN PEACE TREATY.   A MOSCOW BROADCAST SAID MR. TRUMAN WAS PRESIDENT AND THAT THE SESSION OPENED AT FIVE P M AFTER A PRELIMINARY EXCHANGE OF OPINIONS ON QUESTIONS THAT REQUIRED DECISION OF THE THREE HEADS OF GOVERNMENT.   IT WAS DECIDED THAT THE THREE LEADERS WOULD MEET REGULARLY TO DEAL WITH THE PREPATORY WORK OF THE CONFERENCE THE BROADCAST RECORDED BY THE SOVIET MONITOR IN LONDON ADDED.

NEW YORK:
THE DOUBLE VICTORY OF THE ST LOUIS BROWNS OVER THE WASHINGTON SENATORS LAST MONDAY NIGHT GIVES ALL THE TEAMS IN THE AMERICAN LEAGUE EXCEPT THE PHILADELPHIA ATHLETICS A CHANCE AT THE WIDE OPEN FLAG SCRAMBLE.   EVEN THE BROWNS IN SIXTH PLACE SIX AND A HALF GAMES BEHIND THE LEADERS STILL ARE FACTORS FOR THE PENNANT.   WASHINGTON DROPPED THREE FULL GAMES BEHIND THE LEADERS THE DETROIT TIGERS BECAUSE DETROIT WON OVER THE YANKEES.   CHICAGO MAINTAINED ITS FOUR GAME ADVANTAGE IN THE NATIONAL LEAGUE BY COMING FROM BEHIND IN THE LAST OF THE NINTH WITH TWO RUNS OVER THE NEW YORK GIANTS.   THE ST LOUIS CARDINALS CLUNG TO SECOND PLACE BY DEFEATING THE BOSTON BRAVES.

HOLLYWOOD--(NO PINUPS BOYS SORRY):
COWBOY ACTOR ADDISON RANDALL THIRTY EIGHT RODE TO HIS DEATH IN A MOVIE SET MONDAY WHEN HIS HEAD STRUCK A TREE AS HE WAS RIDING AT HIGH SPEED BEFORE THE CAMERA.   RANDALL WAS PLAYING A SCENE DRESSED AS A CANADIAN MOUNTED POLICE AT NEARBY CANOGA PARK.

F L A S H -- HAVE YOU ALL HEARD OF LET HER GO TEEPLE

YESTERDAY IN THE VERY SHADOW OF DEATH A YOUNG FEARLESS NAVAL OFFICER, KNOWN TO HIS INTIMATES AS THE ONLY MAN ALIVE WHO CAN BLOW HIS NOSE AND VENT INBOARD AT THE SAME TIME, GATHERED ABOUT HIM PICKED MEN OF THE S.O.B. SERVICE (SMALL OVERBOARD BOAT) AND SET OUT TO SEA, EQUIPPED WITH THE BARE NECESSITIES OF LIFE: ONE CUSTOM-BUILT HANDKERCHIEF OF THE FIRE SALE CLASS, ONE D.R.T., THREE PADDLES BOUGHT AT A FIRE SALE IN DOWNTOWN CHICAGO, AND THREE BOAT HOOKS NAMED "FULL STROKE 'BROWN'", "C SHELL HEAD" HASSON, AND "COXWAIN" WINIARSKI.
MR. PLOT, KNOWN TO HIS INTIMATES AS A YOUNG NAVAL OFFICER ASSUMED COMMAND OF THE S.O.B. NO. 1, AND IN THE LIGHT OF A BLUE MOON PROUDLY SET COMPASS COURSE FOR FORMER HAUNTS.
GREAT CONCERN WAS FELT BY ALL HANDS IN THE NAVAL SERVICE FOR THESE COURAGEOUS MEN.   THE FEELING WAS WELL EXPRESSED BY THE WORLD-RENOWNED FASHION PLATE (ROUGHLY RESEMBLING AN OLD MOLDY SOUP BOWL), "JAKE HANGFIRE"!   "WHATSA' MATTER WITH THOSE GUYS?   THEY WANTA GET THEIR PITCHERS ON THE COVER OF "YACHTING" OR SOMETHING?   TO HELL WITH THE OTHER GUYS, SAVE OLD "TUBA NOSE" WINIARSKI, HE'S MY RELIEF."